You did great, I agree. The first 3 lines are outstanding. I do wish, though, you were more specific in what it is you're remembering.
Usually in tanka one portion of the poem is about nature (frost feathers, lovely!) and the other part reveals a little something about relationships, feelings, emotions or otherwise something human and personal.
Example:
on a cold grey morning I linger in the memory of your blue sky eyes
Just given in the spirit of creative friendship, never authority.
Thanks Lolly, I'm always looking to learn more about writing and what works and what doesn't. It helps to know what area of the poem weakens it and ways to make it stronger. I will have to think on this one to try and improve it. :0)
I find a renga or tanka, [ never quite know the difference] very hard to composr. You did well to assemble the two disparate parts into a whole.
ReplyDeleteThanks, lately I've had a hard time writing tanka. For a while they were my favorite form.
DeleteNice tanka Dolores ... you did great ....
ReplyDeleteThanks Kristjaan!
DeleteYou did great, I agree. The first 3 lines are outstanding. I do wish, though, you were more specific in what it is you're remembering.
ReplyDeleteUsually in tanka one portion of the poem is about nature (frost feathers, lovely!) and the other part reveals a little something about relationships, feelings, emotions or otherwise something human and personal.
Example:
on a cold grey morning I linger
in the memory of your blue sky eyes
Just given in the spirit of creative friendship, never authority.
Thanks Lolly, I'm always looking to learn more about writing and what works and what doesn't. It helps to know what area of the poem weakens it and ways to make it stronger. I will have to think on this one to try and improve it. :0)
Delete