Sunday, February 15, 2015

On a Grey Morning



"Frost patterns 2" by Schnobby - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons 


with the touch of a finger
frost feathers on glass melt
fading like frozen dreams

on a cold grey morning
I linger and remember


6 comments:

  1. I find a renga or tanka, [ never quite know the difference] very hard to composr. You did well to assemble the two disparate parts into a whole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, lately I've had a hard time writing tanka. For a while they were my favorite form.

      Delete
  2. Nice tanka Dolores ... you did great ....

    ReplyDelete
  3. You did great, I agree. The first 3 lines are outstanding. I do wish, though, you were more specific in what it is you're remembering.

    Usually in tanka one portion of the poem is about nature (frost feathers, lovely!) and the other part reveals a little something about relationships, feelings, emotions or otherwise something human and personal.



    Example:

    on a cold grey morning I linger
    in the memory of your blue sky eyes


    Just given in the spirit of creative friendship, never authority.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lolly, I'm always looking to learn more about writing and what works and what doesn't. It helps to know what area of the poem weakens it and ways to make it stronger. I will have to think on this one to try and improve it. :0)

      Delete