Carpe Diem Special # 113 haiku for inspiration
longing for someone
I sit by the gate and draw
eyebrows on a melon
© Shiba Sonome
My attempts:
without you
days and nights mixed
rain falls
days and nights mixed
rain falls
_
snow falls softly
your face swirled in the mix
eyelashes crystalizing
your face swirled in the mix
eyelashes crystalizing
_
winter’s cold settles
your impression marks the bed
where dreams will not rise
your impression marks the bed
where dreams will not rise
_
curling up alone
in the imprint where you slept
tears no longer flow
in the imprint where you slept
tears no longer flow
Loneliest by far - when the tears no longer flow ....
ReplyDeleteThey are all so powerful -- but I'm especially hit by the final two. Very well done.
Thank you so much. They come not from experience, but from thoughts of loosing a spouse
DeleteYes, I agree, the haiku seemed to grow, hitting really powerful notes on the last two....ah...that capcha...keep losing my comment to get it right.
ReplyDeleteWell written Haiku!
ReplyDeleteCurling up in the imprint---an image of desolation...
ReplyDeleteLonging for Something
Thanks! hope you enjoyed
ReplyDeleteThere is a progression in your haiku of a the end and how to cope with loss.. curling up might be the one thing to do
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of them as individual poems, but now that I see the progression I like the feeling.
ReplyDeletecurling up alone
ReplyDeletein the imprint where you slept
tears no longer flow
the set are a wonderful story ... but this final line is the nadir of longing
Thanks for your kind words!
ReplyDelete